We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
