last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
