There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
