I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
