Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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