Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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