cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
