I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
