3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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