Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
