Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The Olympian is in my bed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
