**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
