Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
