do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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