I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
