I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
