why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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