Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
