Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
