So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
