is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
