You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
