That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
