weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
