last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
