I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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