Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You made out with two different species that night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
