no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
