Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
