I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
