I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
