My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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