There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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