All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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