She's JV to your varsity
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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