I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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