ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
