I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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