So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
