we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
