id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
