If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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