my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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