I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We smell like vodka and hangover
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