i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
