You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
