recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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