What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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