i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
