hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
